This week I hit 69kg, which might not sound that bad, but I'm still really bummed about it.
My weight has slowly increased from 55-57 kg since my early-mid 20s. The biggest trigger was being diagnosed with an awful genetic disease that as a side effect messed up my balance and ability to attune my vision and perception of movement in my inner ear. Basically my life is experienced in 'Funniest Home Videos' jerkiness, with a main serving of hearing loss and tumours. It caused a huge shift in how I saw my body - my neutral-positive perception of my body shifted to horror, disgust and mistrust, and I turned to food and wine. I also lived with guys where we all cooked for each other, and when they served dinner I got man-sized portions in a communal cooking situation, so my perception of a portion changed drastically.
I've wanted to slim down for years, but whenever I spoke to my Mum, husband and even Doctors I was told that my weight was 'fine'. I guess they're trying to minimise other stressors in my life which is kind, but not honest. Now that I'm teetering on the edge of hitting 70kg I have had to admit that no - it is not fine. I want to readjust my relationship with food so I am doing the best for myself and to potentially work for my body to help myself get the best shot at as long a life as I can get.
I've attempted calorie-counting before and it spirals very quickly into an obsessive control situation, where I'm agonising over the calories in the paprika I'm using to season my dinner, and how I determine the portion size of the curry I made, and refusing my husband the opportunity to cook because I want to document everything. I can't help but feel that it's not the healthiest way for me to approach it.
This week I started an honest notebook to spot my triggers and look for foods I didn't need (or ate too much of) to cut down on, as well as noting if a day has anything particularly different about it and the number of steps my pedometer records each day. I'm an event manager so my days can be long and on my feet, but I've already noted that I eat more on an 'event day' because I don't know when I'll next get the chance to sit down and eat, if at all. I've also discovered my habit of buying lunch isn't ok, and the 3:30-itis for something sweet. My diet is reasonably plant-based and home-cooked so I've got a good start, but I still feel lost and unsure on how to proceed.
So fellow lose-it redditors - how do you manage people who don't want to be honest with you? For those who don't like being bound to an app, what do you do to lose weight? How effective would a notebook with one thing chosen a week to eliminate be? And how do I deal with those who keep telling me I'm 'fine'?
N.B. for those who notice my username and wonder if there's a parallel - it's got nothing to do with the chub: my married name translates roughly to 'donut/ doughnut' in English. Also dumpling. I mean, that's a great surname for when you need that 'here's something you won't know about me' introductions.
[link] [comments]
No comments:
Post a Comment