(33F)
I’m not sure what exactly clicked for me but I feel like it is time. Maybe it’s because I weighed myself today and I’m at 348lbs. I’ve made it to too many depressing milestones and I don’t want to reach another one in 2 lbs. I have a hard time putting my socks and shoes on. I’m tired of compulsive eating controlling my life.
I took some time tonight to get myself ready. Got the house mostly cleaned. Set out my work clothes and picked comfortable shoes so I will actually walk on my breaks. I packed my food for the day and pre-logged it all in MFP with a few hundred calories to spare “just in case”. I set out the number for the therapist I researched a few weeks ago so I can actually call and make an appointment in the morning. I tried to strategize a few things to help me make good choices.
At the same time, I didn’t go overboard like I often do. I didn’t go buy $200 worth of healthy groceries and too much produce for me to eat before it goes bad. I didn’t make any food groups off limits. I didn’t tell myself I’m going to get up and work out for 2 hours. I’m a very all-or-nothing person. More and more I realize it’s just an excuse to give up right away when things don’t go perfectly. They won’t; they never do, so why try? I’ve been trying to work on the idea of doing a little bit of whatever at a time (chore, cleaning, work task) and it makes a huge difference. I’m ready to focus on making a lot of little good decisions and not stop whenever I make a little bad decision.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life....
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