I used to be an obese kid. I don't remember what age it started at but ever since I can remember, i remember being fat. At my biggest I was around 175lbs at only 5'1. I couldn't stand people looking at me. I was bullied and depressed. Eventually I stopped going to school due to the anxiety and bullying. 3 years of school I missed. But being away from the anxiety and horrible people left me with the ability to think with a clear head and I managed to lose 70lbs though calorie counting.
As someone that was 106lbs I still wasn't happy with my body but I soon found myself in a loving relationship alongside attending college full time. I stopped looking at myself and met myself enjoy food again along side my partner family and his family but my weight started to become a problem again. Yes I could out eat my 6'1 muscular boyfriend, yes I loved his mum's home made chocolate cake and the constant fast food we'd eat when together but soon enough I couldn't look at myself in the mirror again, my clothes didn't fit me anymore, I could no longer wear shorts or feel comfortable in my body. It even began to affect my relationship as I didn't feel attractive anymore and became more reserved. I started university and moving 3 and a half hours away from home didn't help like I thought it would.
My roommates all slim beautiful girls. Oddly enough we all wear the same size clothes and are roughly close in height. Me still being 5'1 and the other girls being 5'2 and 5'3. However I still looked bigger than those girls. My body is damaged from the years of obesity, my skin sags, I'm covered in stretch marks and cellulite and despite having a TINY waist the lower half of my body looks like a fat girls body when my top half looks average. I get sad that these girls get to have perky boobs and weight that they can easily maintain. When they eat fast food I want it too, when they want cake or seconds so do I. But when I eat it I gain weight almost instantly and these girls continue to maintain.
I look back at my skinny pictures and wonder why did I think I was fat? I'd kill for that body again. So this year I'm going to try and kick my binging habit, stop giving into temptation and hopefully fond some healthy foods I actually like the taste of as well as hopefully start exercising a bit.
My goal is to lose hopefully 20lbs by next year and get a lower fat percentage as I currently have barely any muscle. I hope to find a way to maintain my body and save up for surgery to fix my childhood mistakes.
Current weight 136.2lbs Height 5'1 Goal under 120lbs
Any tips would be appreciated
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