Hi everyone.
I know the title of the post sounds pretty inconsequential given that so many more people on this sub have managed to lose so much more over a much longer period of time, but I thought I would share my progress to keep myself accountable.
1 April 2019 - 60 kg (~ 132.3 lbs)
1 May 2019 - 58.1 kg (~ 128 lbs)
I have always hovered around a stable 115-118 lbs since my late teen years without really trying (and living pretty sedentary and eating crap), but starting an office job and general gastronomic debauchery had caused me to gain about 15 lbs over the course of a year, along with the feeling of shock and embarrassment that comes with it.
Ironically it was also over the course of that year of weight gain that I tried to hone in on my health and eat better, exercise and practise intermittent fasting. I suppose the new dietary fixations and restrictions led me into a spiral of overeating, overcompensating, binging/purging cycles, and steady weight gain with a dollop of hopelessness and loss of control.
From January to March 2019 I tried very hard to 'lose weight', but it was pretty futile most of the time. I would exercise, and then fast, and then tell myself not to eat certain foods, stick within a daily caloric limit, then go out and binge on 4000 calories of crap and then weigh in to see weight gain ... and binge again. It had got to the point that I thought I would never lose the weight and that I was destined to stay where I was forever, if not continue gaining.
It was only in April that I decided to address the psychological issues around my binging and purging and just remove all restrictions around food. I allowed myself to eat whatever I want, relaxed rules around IF, and just allowed myself to take a break whenever I didn't feel like exercising. Then there was Easter ... and friends coming over, and I let myself indulge, within reason.
The upshot of it is that ... my body found its rhythm, and I'm feeling less anxious around food and am starting to enjoy life a lot more now. Yes, I have had splurges every now and then (2 days a week of eating at 2700 calories because of Easter/friends) but my body seems to feel good on around 1400 calories a day, with a day a week of fasting (as opposed to a day of fasting and 6 days of IF like I used to do in the past). Best of all? My body doesn't even crave sweets anymore -- where cookies and cakes used to be the bane of my existence, I now no longer crave them .. and even fruit doesn't seem appealing anymore.
.... and I lost 2 kg! This was the first time in over a year that my weight hadn't kept increasing and I am ecstatic!
I know this is going to be a long journey for me, but I am determined now to continue listening to my body and doing right by myself. I feel like once I solidify this new rhythm that my body enjoys, my body's set point will find itself.
Maybe one day I'll get back to 115 lbs, maybe I won't. But I want to treat myself right now, and let my body fix itself.
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