I am a very black and white thinker. If I can't do something perfectly, rather than risk failing, I just don't do it at all. I've quit so many things in my life; jobs, relationships, school...just because the idea of not being perfect fills me with so much anxiety, the only way I can think of to cope is to quit.
But that's not who I want to be anymore.
About me: Over 500lbs, 32F, 5'7". I don't binge often, it's just consistently 3-4 portions at a time. Or eat 2 portions, then an hour later eat 2 more. I can barely walk or stand. I'm ashamed of how I look and how I got this far.
Every other day I tell myself I'm gonna start over and get it right this time. And every time, I give in to something easy. Or I actively sabotage or rationalize.
For example, a few days ago, I said I was gonna eat healthy. So I made a pot of oatmeal and had a bowl. Then I thought about it. Oatmeal is all carbs, I had no protein. I basically ate a bowl of crap. I then went to Burger King for lunch because if I already screwed up, there was no point in trying more.
How do I change this mindset? How do I teach myself that it's OK to not be perfect; that it's OK to eat something off plan?
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