Hi everyone,
I'm posting on here for the first time as a cry for help or I guess encouragement for my weight loss journey. Long story short, I gained a ton of weight in college due to stress and depression. I used to be very confident in my body and figure - I had a tiny waist and toned legs. I ate very unhealthily and didn't work out. I've come to a point in my life where I can't even look at myself in the mirror. None of my clothes fit me anymore, and even the loosest pants I had in the past fit me tightly now. I can't even wear half of the things in my closet anymore. I'm embarrassed of the way I look, and I know I can look so much better if I lose the weight. What makes me feel even worse is that my closest friend, who used to be much bigger than how big I am right now, lost a ton of weight and basically flaunts it off to me. She does whatever she can to show her body off to me, and how she lost the weight was very unhealthily. She doesn't eat, period. I've never made any sort of remarks comparing her body to mine when I was smaller than her, but she's been doing a lot of it. It's almost as if she wants me to keep eating unhealthily, so I can continue gaining weight. You know how there's the saying, "people never want to see you do better than them." It's kinda like that. I hate it because I know myself. I know my body. I have great proportions, and my family members used to compliment me all the time about my body.
I feel like I've been so fixated on losing weight that I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't know if any of you have experienced this, but I feel absolute hatred and regret for myself. I let myself eat unhealthily, which is why I'm suffering this repercussions right now. I just want to lose the weight so badly, but at the same time, I hate feeling hungry and I love eating. Please don't say anything rude. I'm posting this to vent and gain some motivation to lose weight. My self-esteem went from 100 to 0 since I gained weight, and I can't really express in words how bad I feel about myself. It's almost as if I want to lock myself away and not meet anyone until I lose it. :(
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