If it isn't my sorry arse downloading MFP for the nth time. My biggest saboteur, and biggest hater: me, was in fighting good weight and physical condition before the lockdown and has gained a whopping 33 kgs.
I am at my all time highest weight. You know it's bad when you still manage to look awful in a pair of Levi's. Anyhoo, this time I know that if I let things slide so much out of hand my knee joints, which already suffer due to lupus will put me in a wheelchair. I am 30 years old, if I don't do this now then there will be severe consequences later on.
This is my accountability post. My action plan is the following:
- calorie counting otherwise known as CICO
- walking, then when it won't kill my knees C25K (there is no option to swim around here unfortunately)
- severe restriction on snacks and sweets (if I allow myself "a little" a little will become a lot, this is not my first rodeo)
- when wanting to emotional-eat, play my spankin' new Taylor guitar. So instead of getting those feel-good hormones from food I'll get it from music (I've spent the budget of two year's worth of takeaway on this beauty so it'll remind me of not to order anything too. By the time I can order out I'll be not only slim but an excellent player)
- continue with the anxiety medication which seems to be massively helping me to get our of the slump I've been in for the past year
And above all, I want to get back the confidence to be intimate with my partner. He is very supportive and in no way makes me feel bad, but I am so utterly revolted by myself that my sex drive's gone out the window. He deserves better and so do I.
If you've read this far thank you for allowing me to share ♥️
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