my birthday is on friday and i realized that i had told myself on my birthday last year, that i would not celebrate another birthday overweight.
i used to be thin. my birthday 2 years ago i severely underweight and very sick. i was in the hospital on my birthday. birthday before that i was a normal weight. i had always been a normal weight until i got sick. i lost weight fast and then when i started gaining weight, i gained double what i lost.
i am now 170 lbs and 5’3. i’ve tried a few times to lose weight, counting calories and exercising. but if i have one day that i fail, i give up. i don’t want to spend another birthday ashamed of how i look.
working out is hard because i have chronic lung pain. pulmonary emboli scarred my lungs and i have decreased lung capacity. i feel embarrassed at the gym mostly because i have to stop all the time to catch my breathe.
dieting has been difficult for me too because i pretty much could eat whatever i wanted before. i don’t cook and i don’t eat for hours so i just eat everything in sight when i do eat.
idk, i feel like i just has to get this out. i’m scared of failing and giving up and then suddenly months have gone by and i’ve made no progress. today i went to the gym and i logged my calories.
my birthday is next week and i have plans to go out and drink and stuff. i figure it’s my birthday so i’ll eat and drink whatever. but i’m worried that after my birthday, i’ll give up because i messed up one day.
any advice is welcome, tips would be great. i just want to be healthier and look better and FEEL better
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