I dont know what it is, why I lack will power. I think i have some stressers, but to me it's not an excuse for my emotional eating or lack of control. I'm not actually throwing myself a pity party, I'm just fucking pissed at myself.
See, in November last year I decided to make the change to do better. Just cutting out sugary treats and fast foods did wonders. I liked the idea of IF. I was sticking to OMAD for a bit, i did a few extended fasts. I liked it, to me it was a good way of avoiding calorie counting.
That's what I didn't like, and still don't. And unfortunately that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. For me, personally, counting calories is a chore. It feels awful to know that the only way I can watch what I eat and how much is if I'm tracking it. But i have to accept that, in reality, CICO is what makes the difference and i cant eyeball my food. I'm just having a tough time of getting there..
Everything I do has started to feel restrictive. Its like, if I don't eat what I want when I want, I'm somehow punishing myself. I dont understand this mindset. I dont believe I have an eating disorder, I had friends with ED and (Yes I know ED is different for everyone) when I look at myself and my habits compared to there's, it seems a bit too far fetched.
I think that I'm just so put off by counting calories that I'm just.. I dunno. I feel stupid. I know what i need to fucking do, it's just implementing it seems so fucking hard. I just needed to vent. I need some freakin hypnosis up in here to tell me counting is a-okay, just fucking do it.
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