All my life I've been overweight. The past year although, I decided to make a change. At the end of May last year, I had wisdom teeth removal surgery, and through the diet and limited foods I was able to eat, I lost around 15 lbs relatively quickly. I realized that the little head start I got would be a really good time to begin watching what I ate and begin my weight loss journey. I started at around 305 lbs, (not real sure though, didn't weigh myself that often so my heaviest was probably around 310). I started by just counting calories through MFP just like many of you and almost immediately began to see results. At the end of the summer I found myself at 255 lbs, and with college starting, and moving away from home, I stayed there for about a month, but then quickly got back into rhythm, not without struggle and binges, and weighed in at 225 pounds at New Years! I was so happy with how successful I was, and how quickly the weight was coming off. I felt like a new person in only around 6 months.
This is when things turned south. My new years resolution was to start exercising to become more fit and to lose weight more quickly. I started doing light cardio and bought some weights so I could lift during my spare time in my dorm room, and I immediately started to lose 2-3 pounds per week. I was so happy when people would complement me on the way I looked and on how much weight I'd lost, it began to get to my head, and I started to obsess over it. That's when the throwing up started. I started to plateau in February, and became so frustrated that I wasn't seeing the results I was getting in the past, so I took matters into my own hands. The purging became a habit, every day, almost every meal, then binge just enough that I wouldn't go to bed starving, every. single. night. I hated what I was doing, I knew it was extremely damaging to my body, but I didn't care, because I was losing weight. On top of purging all the time and exercising everyday, I stopped counting calories, just logging my weight into MFP. The scale ran my life, (still does, but I'm getting better:))
When the school year ended, I was 195 pounds. I honestly don't know that last time in my life I was under 200 lbs, and the day the scale said 199, I cried tears of joy, even though I got there in an extremely unhealthy way. But when school stopped and I moved back home, I didn't have near as much privacy, so the purging slowed waaayyy down and obviously my weight loss slowed way down as well. I stilled found myself bent over the toilet throwing up every once in a while, but only when I felt I'd eaten way too much. I was so ashamed of myself for purging, yet I was so frustrated that I wasn't really losing weight as fast that I was really in a mental prison. All I thought about, all day every day, was my weight (still do tbh).
The mental stress I've put myself under has been other worldly. I've always struggled with symptoms of depression and anxiety and OCD, and I want to be just as mentally healthy as I am physically healthy. When I moved back home from college, I started working a new job at a very busy truck stop in a small town, where I see multiple people I know every day, and when people started to see the completely new me, someone mentioned how much different I look multiple times a day, every day, and I honestly hate the attention, I just want people to treat me like they did before the weight loss. I know when they mention about how much I've changed they mean well, but it's hard to talk about something I'm honestly somewhat ashamed of constantly. I'm close to a licensed professional therapist so I believe the next step for my mental health is to start seeing her and talking to her about what I've put myself through. No one in my family knows what I've gone through in the past year, they just think I've been dieting and exercising extremely hard (which I have, and I'm proud of myself for), and I know that if any of them found out they'd be extremely upset and sad that I've hidden this from them.
So that leads us to today, I currently weigh 179 lbs, I look and feel like a completely different person than myself a year ago, went from a 3XL shirt to Large, size 42 to 32/34, I've stopped purging (I really don't want this habit to start back up). So what do I do next? My goal weight is 165, but I don't even know if that's possible with my body type (19M, 6 feet 0 in.) and with the muscle mass that I've gained through weight training. I basically just have a few questions, how do I healthily lose more weight to reach my goal, and how fast should I do it? Once I reach my goal or a number that I'm okay with seeing on the scale every day, how should I begin maintenence? I currently log 1500 calories a day, but I work 32-40 hours a week all on my feet, plus I still exercise at least 3 times a week, so should I bump my calories up? I also have quite a bit of loose skin, any tips on how to deal with that? We've all heard the horror stories of people losing massive amounts of weight, but then gaining it right back, so how should I prevent from becoming a statistic? I would post pictures, but I want to remain private, (when I say I look like a completely different person, I mean it lol). I've been a lurker of this sub for a long time and always wanted to post, but I really don't know how to go forward with this so I decided to just do it. Sorry for the long post, but I've just kinda come to a point where I really don't know what to do, so any advice, tips, or criticism is welcome. :)
