I had a period of time when I was a teen where I obsessively lost weight, it was like I had something to prove to myself. I was also curious to see how low I could go, it was so odd. I am now the heaviest I've ever been at 191lbs 5'7" due to antidepressants. I recently got serious about getting my weight back down to 160 or at least 170. It started out fine, but as soon as I saw the weight drop a little I slowly found myself wrapped up in the desire to eat very little in the day to speed up the process and watch the numbers get lower. Today I caught myself doing something I forgot I used to do. I was hungry as I had only an apple and it was 10pm, I ignored the hunger, the pain of it actually made me feel as though I was getting thinner. I used to ignore the hunger pains until I just stopped being hungry. Its 2am now and I made myself eat a turkey and cheese sandwich with fresh fruit and I was surprised when I started crying while eating. Why cant I just diet in a healthy way? Why do I always need to be so extreme? Should I see someone about this? It worries me very much thinking that I could become obsessed like I did before but this time no one is around to tell me when I start to go much too far.
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