I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while and I just need to get it out of my head so that hopefully someone that needs to read it finds it.
No one gets fat by being mentally stable. Whether it’s an eating disorder, anxiety, lack of sleep, a sedentary lifestyle, emotional eating and so on.
Then comes this cycle of emotional fragility mixed with weight gain insecurities about your self worth, attractiveness and overall wallowing in your sorrows keeping this unhealthy coping cycle alive.
One thing that motivates some people to lose weight - and I know that’s the main thing that motivated my best friend to beat obesity (he succeeded) - is to make his dating life easier. He felt like shit, his self loathing was and still is insanely high and guess what? Even now, before and after he’s still completely unable to get a date. The weightloss surely helped him being more attractive on a surface level, but he’s so mentally unstable that the only people willing to date him are complete manipulative assholes wanting to get something out of him. They just want a faithful toy that’s not gonna run away because they believe that they are the best he can get, and will make him feel that way.
And that same kind of emotional manipulation happened to me too before I even started losing weight.
Not gonna lie, it was A LOT easier for me to date when I was chubbier than now that I lost 35lbs. Back then, I was so insecure about myself it showed, it attracted the wrong kind of people. So many toxic people that I found so attractive told me the exact things I wanted to hear: that they could get so much better, but they stuck with me because that’s what they liked.
Looking back, knowing how everything later unfolded, I was totally falling for their manipulative schemes.
But I built myself back up, cultivated the friendships in my life instead, started lifting and then actually focused on fixing my deeper issues. Right now, the mental journey isn’t over yet, but I present myself well, I make aesthetic decisions and I get a lot of compliments and attention that I wasn’t used to receive before.
However, on the dating aspect, it’s pretty damn tough. I’m pretty sure my looks aren’t the problem, my mental health has improved significantly even if it has lots to go still. But I can’t seem to meet decent people. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten better at detecting scummy red flags, maybe I have a problem with how I form bonds with people
Or maybe, just maybe, my newfound confidence is now repelling the trash instead of attracting it.
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