F20: SW 158: CW 148
I came home for break (currently a student) and did so well these past 2 weeks but now I'm writing this post right after a night binge. I've seen many people posting on how their relationship with food has been shaped by childhood with obvious indicators, but loseit, I'm struggling to pinpoint where everything went wrong for me.
From birth, I followed a very strict vegetarian diet due to cultural/religious reasons. I'm talking no eggs, cheese, gelatin, or even mushrooms, and the food especially cannot come in contact with meat via oil, grease, etc. I understand it's still possible to be unhealthy on a vegan and vegetarian diet, but growing up in the states, my options were always limited until the recent vegan/vegetarian revolution (the name I've given it haha). My parents immigrated here and have always been fit, healthy eaters. To this day I've never seen my father put on an extra pound. He doesn't work out but still maintains the same muscle from his younger days. Both my parents naturally know when they are full, and are able to eat treats once in a while in moderation.
My sibling and I on the other hand have had a tumultuous relationship with food being avid binge eaters. Weight was always an issue for us, but I didn't really care about it until I hit puberty. During that time, I went through a period of binge-and-restrict which brought my weight down to around 110ish. Not gonna lie, the compliments boosted my self-esteem even though I was severely emaciated during that period (I later developed anemia due to this and other contributing factors). I'd say my childhood was moderately active, though there could always be room for more. I was never forced to finish my plate, and naturally had to bring my own lunches to school as I was unable to eat the food offered in the cafeteria. Any negative experiences with food I can recall have been whenever cakes, pizzas, or other treats were distributed in class and I'd have to sit and watch other kids eat, but this has been a norm for me so I'm used to it. I've always been a picky eater while my sibling isn't, yet we both still struggle with food in the same way.
This year has been the first time I've managed to lose weight slowly by being patient with myself and not rushing the process, but there are still so many habits I have yet to resolve. How can I go about retracing the steps to my unhealthy relationship with food? What tools can I use to figure out the root/source of my issues?
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