I still can't control my binge eating attacks and it feels like binge eating / emotional eating is just something very deeply ingrant in my personality. I recently read about the Freudian term "death drive" - a self destructive force we us to restore an earlier inorganic state that life sprung from. And apparently such compulsions are often done in repetition.
Can't help but feel my eating behaviour is exactly that "a drive to kill myself", slowly inflicting pain on myself. It seems so absurd, because I know what Im doing and how destructive it is, but I just can't seem to break the cycle.
At this point I feel that I should accept that I'm commiting a sort of slow suicide, because none of this simply makes sense anymore. I'm hurting my body and I'm hurting myself and I don't know why.
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