Throwaway account here, I apologize in advance if I don’t make much sense as I’m just kind of ranting off of emotions
I (M21) (5’8 in height) lost ~60 lbs (210lbs to 150lbs) around 2-3 years ago. I had been overweight all of my life up until that point. I was probably the happiest I’d ever been at the time, for the first time in my life I was considered a normal weight and I had more confidence, people began to treat me kinder, and I would get lots of compliments on my weight loss from people who knew me beforehand.
However, despite having lost so much weight, I found myself in a position of being skinny fat. Despite doing weight training at the time, once I hit my goal weight of 150 I still had noticeable man boobs (which I know isn’t gyno) and a good amount of belly fat. This took a huge toll on my already fragile self esteem, and things stayed this way for a while. I ended up maintaining this up until a few months ago, where I decided I’d had enough and went 3 months eating 1200-1500 calories.
My goal here was to finally, at the very least, get rid of my man boobs once and for all and finally be normal and have a flat chest and belly like all of my friends who are around the same height and weight. By the end of the 3 months I ended up at 131 lbs, but much to my dismay my torso barely looked any different and all I was left with were skinny arms that had lost any muscle they once had.
I had maintained this weight for about a month, largely thanks to a newfound obsession with calories. I would constantly think about food, immediately after eating my first thought would be “what will I eat later? can it fit in my calorie budget?” etc etc
Until suddenly my habits just shifted. I think the stress my schoolwork in college piled on top of my existing stress with food, my body refusing to lose fat, etc, and I began emotional eating. The current college semester began and for the past month I’ve been eating out constantly with friends, and if not that, I’m binging on a huge box of oreos that the local dollar store sells. I think I went to far and now I’m “yo-yo”ing. In the past month I’ve gone from 131 lbs to 140 and now I’m terrified I’ll eat myself back into being overweight and I’m not sure how to stop gaining and repair my relationship with food.
I just want to be normal and eat what I want when I want, be confident in my own body, and not have food on my mind 24/7. I just felt the need to rant here because I really don’t know what to do.
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/u/MaximumDuck17
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